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When you’re struggling with the “is my marriage over?

” question, you may find yourself veering from “yes, our relationship is done” to “there’s still hope for our marriage! How do you know if your marriage is over or if it’s going through a natural down cycle?

It depends on you, your husband, and your decision as a couple to pursue a healthy marriage or let it die a sad death. If your husband doesn’t understand (or care) how his actions, words or decisions are affecting you, then maybe your marriage isn’t as solid as it could be.

Time passes, and the stress of daily life and kids and jobs and money and house all take a toll…and you find that you’re not connecting anymore. This isn’t necessarily a sign your marriage is over – it just means you need to make time and effort to reconnect.So that’s why I don’t ask for or give relationship advice. That is more important than the signs of a troubled marriage below.You have more power and control over your life than you may think.Of all the signs on this list, lack of connection is probably the easiest to fix.So if this is the only sign your marriage is over, then you can rejoice! Your husband wants a four million dollar home on oceanfront property; you want to live in a cottage in the forest and write books about elves.“My mom stayed married to my dad for 36 years even though she kept asking me if their marriage was over.It was a terrible relationship and I kept telling her to leave, but she wouldn’t. I do know that if you’re seeing signs you should give up hope, then you shouldn’t keep hanging on to a dead marriage.” Your first job is to figure out why you’re wondering if your marriage is over. What circumstances, decisions, behaviors, words and events led you here?If you hit rock bottom years ago and both of you have no idea how or desire to get up off the floor and rebuild your life, then it seems to me that yes…your marriage is over. “Ironically, communication in marriage sometimes give people clarity that they don’t care what their spouse thinks or feels,” says marriage coach Mort Fertel.“They understand how their partner feels and thinks, but it just doesn’t matter anymore.” Couples get tired of the fighting, of the emotional battles, of the constant bringing up of the past and going over the same tired territory over and over.The right way to argue in a relationship is to NOT bring up past mistakes or reopen old wounds.The more your past problems enter current arguments, the less healthy your conflict and communication style is.

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