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Friendship before dating
This kind of growth best occurs during simple, wholesome activities. The base of the pyramid is friendship, and the ascending layers include building blocks such as understanding, respect, and restraint.
Although time apart can provide valuable perspective, long-distance romances can’t replace face-to-face interaction even if a couple spends a fortune on postage.
Relationships and individuals change too quickly and too subtly to be monitored and influenced from afar.
Mc Kay, later President of the Church, wrote in his journal: “Took a ride over on South hills. After all, choosing our marriage partner is one of the most vital, far-reaching decisions we make in our mortal lives. Through his Spirit, he will reveal the truth of a relationship to us as we allow sufficient time and exercise our faith.
Some people expect the Lord to provide a dramatic revelation about their eternal mate, but what usually happens is that as we drop our defenses and communicate with a potential spouse, we experience subtle, ongoing spiritual promptings about the relationship.
We found it truly exciting just to be in each other’s company.
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Sometimes either one partner or both partners in a dating relationship begin to feel urgency to rush toward marriage before they know anything about each other.A well-known maxim recommends longer courtships followed by shorter engagements. Brown concurs: “Infatuation may be romantic, glamorous, thrilling, and even urgent, but genuine love should not be in a hurry. Time should be taken for serious thought, and opportunity given for [each partner to gain] physical, mental, and spiritual maturity.Longer acquaintances will enable both to evaluate themselves and their proposed companions, to know each other’s likes and dislikes, habits and dispositions, aptitudes and aspirations” ( Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1960, pp. Building a strong premarital friendship requires spending sufficient time with each other and finding opportunities for interaction.Perhaps other individuals who are approaching—or already in the middle of—a marriage-oriented relationship could consider these ideas as well.Because courtship should continue throughout marriage, spouses too can benefit by seeking to strengthen and renew their friendships with their partners.A feeling of urgency early in a relationship can sometimes be a red flag.It does not necessarily mean that your partner is the wrong person, but it does signal a need to stand back and perhaps investigate other alternatives.To develop an honest relationship, however, we must move beyond superficial appearances and allow our true selves to emerge.Likewise, we need to be careful to avoid hero-worshipping a potential mate; we should not allow our hopes and expectations color the truth about him or her.Inspiration can come only when we are honest with ourselves, our potential mates, and the Lord.When we first date somebody, we may try to mask our faults and make ourselves as appealing as possible.